The Ashawo, the Angry Housewife and the Office-Lady

By Tobi Adewuyi
Fantastic species I must say. They are rare species that can be found anywhere in the world. They can be seen to dwell in areas like England, Dubai, America, France, Holland and the other 189 countries of the world. I've been studying their kind for a while and after years of tiresome research; I’ve finally been able to categorize their species into three.
Firstly, I’d like to begin with my research on the first specie. These animals are either tall or short and well-equipped with external features that seem to attract the opposite sex. They only come out at night wearing some type of material around their bodies that expose their external features. This, I consider a form of display used to attract the opposite sex. This display also means that they are ready for mating which I find very disturbing because they mate almost every night, especially on weekends. I was walking down the street one day, at 22.00 hrs, and noticed an animal standing on the sidewalk. So I decided to hide behind a car (a form of transport) and study this animal for a while. It stood there for about 600 seconds before a car drove up to it. They communicated for a while, then the other animal in the car handed her some form of paper which I found later to be called money. What a marvellous species these animals are! I thought. They hand each other money as a form of incentive to speed up the process of communication and friend-making so as to make one, big, family. Suddenly, the animal on the sidewalk entered the car, and they both drove to a quiet location on the east side of the road. I followed them on foot and hid behind the car they were in. I heard noises coming from the car. Noises that were made only when mating occurred. I felt disgusted and ashamed to be an ear-witness to such unruly behaviour. When I got home, I ended my research on that particular group and decided to call them The Ashawo-A group of unruly animals that come out at night to mate with the opposite sex in order to obtain money.
I then moved on to the next specie. These animals do not leave their place of abode to go anywhere else unless necessary. They cook, clean and provide for their family. These animals are of no harm unless they are provoked. They usually have helpers in their houses (a structure made of bricks which provides shelter for the animals) to help around with household activities. These helpers sometimes find themselves in unlucky situations and are severely beaten by this animal. During research, I stumbled across this particular animal and decided to study it from a distance. I presumed the animal just got back from somewhere as she was properly dressed. These animals are usually found wearing a wrapper and a church camp T-shirt when in their natural state. The animal entered the house and was welcomed by a very dirty sitting room (a place where the animals relax). On seeing this, she began to utter some weird noises that somewhat sounded like incantations of some sort. I then moved closer to the house to get a better view of what was happening. To my horror, I saw the helper being tossed around and severely beaten by the animal. ‘Maybe this is some kind of greeting’ I thought to myself. But as the beatings became more severe and the shouts became louder, I realised that it wasn’t any form of greeting, it was definitely a form of beating. I marvelled at such power the animal used in punishing the helper. It was truly a sight to behold. I noticed that the animal had evolved as the hair of the animal was rough and its biceps had grown larger. Its eyes were bulging out, and I could swear I noticed a pair of fangs in its dentition. When the beating session was over, I decided to go home so as not to be caught lurking in the ferocious animal’s home. I ended my research on this group and decided to name this group -The Angry Housewives-A group of animals that seem nice to the naked eye but when looked at closely, are found out to be ferocious beasts that beat helpers for a living.
Lastly, I began studying the final specie of these animals. These ones are never at their place of abode but are always at work (a place where the animals earn money for a living). They are particularly short tempered and lack the skills of cooking, cleaning and shopping. These animals rely solely on their place of work and have no time for anything else. This specie often seems to have little or no interest in the opposite sex. Their offspring tend to turn out to be junkies or thieves, and often have to fend for themselves because their mother isn’t there. I tried to study this animal in its natural habitat, but to no avail as it was never there. I gave these animals the name, Office Ladies.
I then compiled all my research on these specie and decided to name them W.O.M.E.N-Wonderful Organisms that Might be Extremely Notorious. As I said earlier, these animals are extremely fascinating. These animals can be more than what they are but they’re letting the jungle around them eat into their subconscious and thereby changing them as a whole.
These Wonderful Organisms that Might be Extremely Notorious should not let their surroundings change them but should change their surroundings and affect the country as whole positively. Well, that’s all I can say about these creatures for now. I’ll be sure to update you on their counterparts later! Ciao!